Emily P. Freeman’s quarterly habit of recording what she learns during the season is something that I strongly recommend for everyone. And this fall has made me get one major thing.
Intentional, thoughtful, and present decisions are a must.
Last month, someone asked me to do something that I have been wanting to do for a long time. But the timing was not right. It would have been on top of everything that I had going on in my life at that time: my parents’ coming into town; the Buddy Man’s birthday party; and previous commitments that I had made to others, and more importantly, to myself.
I struggled with it, wrestled with whether I should go ahead and do it even though it would have taxed my mental, physical, and emotional strength. I have an innate desire to please people and make them happy and not doing this thing would have certainly not made everyone happy.
Finally, I decided to test my “personal decision-making template” that I have been working on for some time. I had put this template together to try to decide between two things that are neither right or wrong.
- I looked at my priorities – which was most important?
- I looked at how I have decided that I wanted to feel (via working through Danielle LaPorte’s Desire Map) and the way I have chosen to live my life (via Gretchen Rubin’s concept of Personal Commandments).
- I identified my attitude about each choice. Would I carry any anger and resentment with either one?
- And finally, my ultimate decider, which decision would give me peace.
I decided not to pursue the opportunity. And, to be honest, I wasn’t sure I had made the right decision until I realized that because of my mild (to me) obsessing, I had forgotten to make the chili for the dinner. I gave myself the mental and emotional space necessary to be fully present for my family, my son, and his birthday party. I was true to the previous commitments I had made and present for those closest to me. I am so grateful that I was brave enough to make that choice.
enjoy life…
And head over to the Emily’s Link-Up to see what others are learning also.
shannan enjoys life! 
I love that you mention the late realization that you’d made the right decision. That resonates so strongly with me, as I too obsess over something until, eventually, something (or someone, as my non-obsessive husband often ends up talking sense into my non-sense!) breaks through to assure that, yes, it was right to opt out. And more often than not, for highly introverted and sensitive personalities, opting out is indeed the better choice. There is so much clamoring for attention in the world, & we cannot be the best for those we really care about unless we learn to say no to that which is less-than-best!
Thank you so much. I had debated whether to include that “late realization” in the piece. Now I am glad that I did. I am also highly introverted and more sensitive than not. Thank you for reading and thank you for commenting.
Shannan, I admire your process, and I think I need to do more of that kind of thing. It’s so hard to say no to a good opportunity, but if it’s not God’s timing, it’s NOT a good thing!
Thanks Michele. I have been trying to develop something for years but now I think I may have a working model. See what works for you. Thanks so much for commenting.
This is so good! I swear, you are the third person I’ve heard mention the Desire Map this week. Must mean it’s time for me to read it. I feel like just that one question of hers, “How do you want to feel?” is such a powerful insight.
Thank you Aimee. I hope you do and let me know what you think. Thank you so much for for commenting.
I totally needed this today friend. Thank you for sharing. And thank you for caring for yourself. Through reading your words I am reminded of the importance of self-care. Brave choices really do make the world a better place.
I really don’t know why we struggle som uch with the concept of self-care. Seems to be a never-ending battle for me. I am so glad that my words helped you. Thank you for commenting.
We can’t successfully love our neighbor as ourself if we aren’t loving ourselves well. Thank you for the reminders to enjoy life. I have spent too much of my life holding my breath. Your blog helps me breathe. 😊