Tag: journal

what i’m into – that’s keeping me sane {january 2018}

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fcshare-5QoIrLqNI was so thrilled and honored to have my article, Overhauling My Concentric Circle of Responsibility, published on Rocket City Mom earlier this month.  Take a minute (OK, maybe five; it’s rather long) to see what I planned to do this year.

 

“After a lifetime of believing that the voices that mattered were Out There, approving or disapproving of me, I’m learning [to listen] to trust the voice within, the voice of God’s Spirit, the whisper of my own soul.”
– Shauna Niequist, Present Over Perfect

This is keeping me sane in a very literal and real way.

What’s keeping you sane? enjoy life…

 

an un-“enjoy life” riff

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I know it’s Friday but no “secret” today. Just a riff on something that’s been irking me lately.

 enjoy life…

It’s no secret to anyone who knows me well that I try to do everything as close to perfect as I possibly can. I am a planner by nature; I take pride in my ability to think through scenarios, to anticipate problems before they happen and stop them from happening. This is what I do!!! My sense of value comes from being reliable and dependable. My basic fear is not being supported, valued, loved, appreciated by others (Enneagram type six, anyone?), ergo, I try to do EVERYTHING that I can do without fault so that others will like me, love me, value me, appreciate me. I don’t want to be a disappointment!

For that reason, I have lived a large part of my life in fear; fear that will I not measure up and then no one will support me. I haven’t done things in life because I feared I wouldn’t be able to do them well. I have played it safe. A lot.

Well, my world was turned upside down. I had a baby, something I knew I would struggle to do well-aka my biggest fear. And even though I knew this before Buddy Man arrived, it has been made plain to me since his arrival. I have absolutely positively zero control anymore; my planning nature doesn’t serve me as well as it use to because all of my plans can go out the window in a matter of minutes. While this may have always been the case, it’s really becoming a thing and has been very discouraging and very sad for me. I am not meeting the expectations that I have always held for myself. I now have to cancel the appointment, to not be able to meet an obligation because my child is sick, I’m so sorry. And “Mommy brain” is REAL! I forget things I use to not forget – to send the thank-you cards, to call or text back, to remember the birthdays, Where is my phone?

I am not this person!

Or am I? Now? Is this the new me? Is this how it’s going to be?

More importantly, will people still approve of me?

friday’s “secret”: practice empathy when you can, sympathy when you can’t

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This post was inspired by my thoughts while listening to the sixth episode of Modern Mrs. Darcy’s What Should I Read Next. Anne and her guest, Tsh Oxenreider, spent a little time discussing the book, Wild: From Lost to Found on the Pacific Crest Trail by Cheryl Strayed. Both of them didn’t particularly care for the book and abandoned it but after reading Tiny Beautiful Things: Advice on Love and Life from Dear Sugar, also by Strayed, Anne said that she had more insight into Strayed’s life experiences and was thinking of giving Wild another shot.

I read Wild last year and while it isn’t one of my favorite books, I enjoyed it because I wanted to read about Cheryl’s journey, hiking the Pacific Crest Trail. I personally wanted to know how she could go out into the wild, alone, while never hiking before. I was curious as to how she dealt with the fear and I wanted to read her story. And while I wouldn’t have made some of the choices that Cheryl made, I realized that the book was a story about a certain time of her life and it is highly unlikely that who she was then who she is now. I’m different and I don’t know if any book can tell an entire story; it can only give us glimpses into certain aspects, certain thoughts, and certain experiences of someone at that particular time.

Which is also what we are only able to see of each other in actual life. It made me think about how we, in our humanness, often make judgments about other people, often times not knowing their story. And when we do know bits and pieces, we are quick to judge without empathy (if that is possible) or sympathy (when empathizing is not available).

I did this all the time. But life had a way of showing me a lot of my flaws, causing me to be empathetic to a lot of situations. Plus, in attempting to connect with others in a sincere and authentic way, I have begun to be more sympathetic to others.

I don’t know if anyone can tell that I am making the effort but I am a lot happier. No judgment here! And it’s a lot easier to…

…enjoy life.